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| omg, so i tried using blogger but after one post. i've realized.. i cant NOT use xanga. haha
reading that last post was a crazy flashback for me. it reminds me of where i was in my life...and i was right! ...
time really flew by.
Last i talked about how much i was anticipating my senior year, hhi, spop, coordship, new team, etc. and NOW.
im at the very smack-dab middle of it all. Week 5 of winter quarter, just about 4 more months left til i walk across to the bren... and not for a dance competition anymore either, but to commemorate all my accomplishments at uci. i cant imagine being in the shoes of those people who've spent 4 or more years in college just to study, get a diploma & get out. To have done the academic work that was asked of them without much else....without anything to remember or to be rememberd by...? =/ im js glad that i havent regretted anything so far. and i still have
4 more months to milk it.
i had just experienced my LAST vibe with dc & i couldnt have done it any other way...its truly amazing how dc works through people and what it is that brings us together. from my first vibe in 2006, til now... to still see dc sit in a circle after our performance, to hear people say the same things coming from completely different faces...thats what makes it worth it in the end. not the trophy...but im not gonna lie... in all my 4 years, to finally get 1st in a major comp like vibe, wow. i remember not feeling convinced on that stage. that it was a fluke.. "uhht dc got assed out....again". hahah it just made me realize that this team will be okay because of the traditions that keep us going, and not just structural traditions of doing this and that, cz somethings change over time- all culture changes over time...but the tradition of passing down the mentality, morals and values keeps it bona fide. that keeps our head up no matter what happens. i duno how i get to always talk about this but i guess it was that after-competition high. haha and this is just the beginning....
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| its js one of those nights...
havent written here in so long. i think i come here when i get a time to breathe from all the craziness that comes with being a uci student. i write xanga usually when the year is over. it js goes to show how fucking fast time moves. its week 2 of summer 08 and so far its been amazingly chill. just SPOPpin' it, working with the urban fam, getting ready for Hip Hop Internationals, and living up the last few moments while anthonys living in irvine. its been a reallllly good couple weeks of summer so far and i cant wait to dive into everything.. im already anticipating how fast this summer will go by and ALREADY dreading the end. 
so maximize.
so many things im looking forward to. whether its for spop, for dc, for turning 21 in less than 10 days, for HHI, for my 4th yr at UCI, for being part of the MAFIA (aka cabinet) for sucha beautiful team! damn, i still can't believe I am the 08-09 dc coord....its truly unexplainable...how far i could have fallin for something this way. this team and everything that it stands for is so far embedded in me that ive realized how much its become my identity. but within this past month im realizing that there are bigger things beyond this too~ its a close part of me but it doesnt defy who i am. im kinda off tangent now but i think what i mean to get at is that i am confident/scared-shitless, excited/nervous for what this year has in store for me. cause i KNOW it will be a fucking journey. its gonna break me, and i might even break ppl. haha and as much as im scared of all that, its getting me pumped to know that in the brooder picture, it will be for the better. a lesson learned. on another tangent- im js blessed to be a part of something that most people dont get to experience, not js for the experience but for everything that u learn, grow, GIVE. i think the only word close to how i feel -yet still doesnt do full justice- is: FULFILLMENT. that i know ppl who always ask "are u still dancing?", will never comprehend the way I feel. its something bout dc n everything that it stands for that i take so much pride in and i guess its hard to explain. something that someone had sed to me "when your outside looking in, u can't understand it, but when ur inside looking out, u can't explain it"...
had dinner with my parents + anthony yesterday. im glad they all like each other. haha then afterwards, on the way back to irvine, we had a good conversation about parents in general (which i still want to talk about someday again .)something that he sed that i liked was how good it feels to buy something for urself, but how much joy there is in giving something to someone else. and js lookin at our parents who give up everything for their child must feel so happy; happy to know that someone depends on them. i talked with my sister a few days before about how i noticed my parents distance from each other. they physically live together, but i can tell that they're really living/doing everything separately. and i guess it jus happens that way for parents when the kids dont live with them anymore? i dont know. i just feel so sad when i see things this way, like we literally got too busy to be a family. n i kno i REALLY need to sit down and talk with them more often. cz to hear from anthony how lucky i am for my parents, it really makes me realize how much i forgot. anyways, im tired. ill cont. this later.
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| this quarters been so tiring to me.. i dont even understand why because when i look back on the things ive been doing these past couple of months, i feel like its been unproductive. well, besides the fact that ive been going to school, dc welcomeweek/auditions, kasa dance off, and work. i still feel bleh. i did all these same things my first and second year, and probably even more, but i still didnt feel so lethargic. maybe because my bodys been slowing down on me and cant take on the same things with the same energy that i used to have. =/ i hate feeling like this... i WANT to bring out more of myself but im js tired.
Im still superx100 excited for this new dc team tho!
first performance on NOV 16 @ arroyo vista (uci) 9pm
for "hip hop for the hungry"
BE THERE OR BE WACK. =]
p.s. i wanna go to ny
p.s.s. christmas is coming!
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| AHHHH SO MUCH FRIGGIN SHIT TO DO.
wow.
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| 4 weeks left...
and i will have reached the midpoint of college.
sigh.
this is just a way for me to check up on myself so that i know im utilitizing my time the best way possible. and i am pretty much lovving life right now. but i always want more. i want to learn more, do more, js expand my life to unfamiliar areas and meet as many people i can along the way.
sometimes i dont realize WHY im doing the things im doing when im just monotoniously living day by day... thats why i have friends that slap me in the face once in a while to keep me (in)sane. thanks.
4 weeks...
and i will be getting ready to leave for korea... ahh
andd dc06-07 will almost be over
anddd songfest, culture night, Ultimate brawl, ALL-UC, Body rock, semiformals, elections will pass by so fast.
andddd i will be a 3rd year. shit.
maxmize possible experience possible.
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